Journey toward Wholeness

There are things about me that I sometimes wish would just magically be changed.  Vices, struggles, characteristics of my fallen state that I would rather not have to deal with.  There are powers that rage within me that reek havoc for myself and the people I care about.  Why was I made this way?  Why can't I pray my way out of this difficult condition of the body, mind, or soul?  I even become frustrated and angry with God that I'm not "fixed" when I ask to be.  Shouldn't God be just as interested in delivering me from human weakness as I am?  But I'm finding that the Lord doesn't always heal and transform me according to my specifications and timetable.  My creator's idea of making me whole might even be more advanced and informed than mine!  He knows my inner-workings, my intricate design, my inside and out.  Sometimes this means that I need to expand my expectations of what God's healing might mean for me.  It might not include an instant and drastic miracle with satisfying before and after photos.  It may not even look like a steady improvement between what I was and what I will be.  God's ministry to me may hurt, it may require deeper faith, it may demand a higher level of humility, discipline, or inter-dependence with others.  God may not give me easy solutions to a complex issues because my journey to wholeness may bear more fruit over the long haul than in the short term.  And while I believe that we will be made whole in the blinking of an eye at Christ's triumphant return, perhaps it is more important in this life to follow in faith the wisdom of an eternally Great Physician than to be set on experiencing the perfect health we're so intent on achieving.